The Long Afternoon’s Regression Embodies All That Is Decent in Rock
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
VATICAN CITY — An emerging hashtag is rocking the world...of rock.
In an unprecedented move, Pope Francis has issued an encyclical entitled Hoc est sterquilinium in which he acknowledges the spiritual power of rock music and exhorts believers to listen to more rock as part of their personal religious practice.
In the encyclical, the third of his papacy, Pope Francis singles out reclusive American indie rock band The Long Afternoon’s new album Regression as exemplifying all that is good, decent, and uplifting in rock.
In tandem with the issuance of this new papal document, Pope Francis has established a new Secretariat in the Roman Curia: the Secretariat for Rock (Segretaria per la Musica Rock), charged with overseeing the Holy See’s relationship with popular music and youth culture worldwide.
Pope Francis tweeted news of the new encyclical on August 10, 2016 and encouraged followers to share his views using hashtag #HocEstSterquilinium.
The Long Afternoon is a cryptic indie rock organization that has ignored industry standard career-building activities in favor of pursuing an agenda known only to the group's secretive inner circle.
The pontiff's cyclical on The Long Afternoon was welcomed by Ginger M. Armalade, the indie-rock outfit's primary spokesperson and spiritual and menu adviser. "This is a tremendous development, and serves to underscore the purity of the group's mission," she said.
"We trust that this will finally put to rest any lingering theories about a connection between The Long Afternoon and the fourth secret of Fatima."
The Long Afternoon's Regression album is available via iTunes, Amazon, Google Play, and other distribution systems.
Autoresponder, song 1 on Regression: